matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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