u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
