And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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