I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
