is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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