He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
