His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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