I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
