I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
