i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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