Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
