I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
