My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need a beard to bite.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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