I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
