It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
