Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
