out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
