I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
