Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
