Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
