i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
