nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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