i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
