remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
