Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
