There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
