seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
