i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
