If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
