That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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