Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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