i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
