Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
