you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
