...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
