he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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