There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
