im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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