if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
