The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
