sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
