i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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