they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
