I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
