Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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