yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Less talking, more tequila
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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