Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
