i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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