We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
