I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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