hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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