so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In America we eat man semen.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
