worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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