Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
